My Exit Diary

I started this blog in 2008 to discuss five topics that are dear to my heart: tai chi, meditation, religion, retirement and old age. After the initial flurry, I have slowed down quite a bit; in fact I haven't posted anything all of 2012. But now I am going to be doing frequent posting: I have just been diagnosed with some sort of Leukemia but the doctor needs to do more testing to figure out what type it is, so I am convicted but not yet sentenced. It may sound rather melodramatic, but I decided to call this my Exit Diary. I want to chronicle what I will be doing to fight this battle, and to express my thoughts and feelings during this process. I am hoping that I can share these with others who are in the same boat so we may learn something of value from one another. If you have stumbled into my blog and know of someone in this battle, please tell them about my blog.

 In 2011, I found there were a couple of lumps on my neck. During my annual checkup in 2012, I told my doctor about that. He felt them and said that were my saliva glands so I was relieved. In 2013, I found more lumps on my neck and I told the doctor about that during my annual checkup. He found from the blood test that I have a slightly elevated white cell count. He sent me to a hematologist last week. After more blood test, the hematologist told me that I have some sort of leukemia, but he needed more test to ascertain whether the high white blood cell count was caused by an onset of leukemia or by a type of anemia common to Chinese, which I know I had it all my life. I am now waiting for an answer.

 At the age of 78, whether I have a fast growing or slow growing leukemia, or no leukemia at all, I realize I am not gong to hang around for another 20 years. So this diagnosis did give me a good shove to start preparing for my exit. In a way, even though I am a perennial optimist, I have been thinking about my upcoming exit for some time, as evidenced by my previous posts on this blog. My interest in Buddhism over the past few years has helped me understand the reality of life, that death is must as natural as birth, so I am not surprised at all by this turn of event. I will study this disease and learn about ways to fight it as much as I can, just like playing a computer game or solving a jigsaw puzzle and have some fun doing it. If I win, I win; if I lose, I lose. In the meantime, I will have to do a number of things to simplify my life and the work my wife and children will have to do after I checked out.