A friend recently sent me a poem that I found very enlightening. I would like to share it with you as a year-end reminder:
Live a life that matters
By Y. Y. Tseng
Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant,
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
Not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, or sacrifice
That enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
While you meet something beautiful, the first thing you should do is to share it with your friends anywhere.
So that these beautiful things will be able to spread out literally around the world.
Happy 2010!
Dec 31, 2009
Jul 15, 2009
Four Things You Want to Do If You Have Only Four Years to Live
We all know we have to die some time; but with very few exceptions, we don't usually know when, or how. Many of us also have things we want to do before we die; but setting up a priority is difficult especially when we don't know when the time will come. To short circuit this dilemma, I thought about picking four things, concrete tasks, that I want to do if I know I only have four years to live. Four things and four years are arbitrary; it could be only one thing and three months.
But why do this? and for whom? I believe that after I die, I couldn't care less what will happen to me, to my family, to my friends, or to the world. I wouldn't know about it nor could I do anything about it after all. So the only practical reason is for me personally while I am still living, or more specifically for my peace of mind. Of course I would want to do things that glorify my name, benefit my family, help my fellow men, etc. But really those are things collateral benefits; they contribute to my happiness and peace of mind while I am still living. The ultimate beneficiary is me.
I recommend this exercise to anyone regardless of age: to put down the four things (or three or two, it doesn't matter) you want to have done, in order or priority, if you have a very limited time to live. Actually, even if you don't have that kind of time pressure, you still could set this up because, let's face it, none of us really know for sure when death will happen to us. So just set up an arbitrary period of time and a number of things that are important to you.
Just to give you an example. I have come up with four things I want to get done assuming I only have four years to live. I am now 74, and I hope to live until 89 or beyond. But assuming I will die at 79, these are things I want to get done:
1. Finish the book I am writing about my life and the places and times and events that I have lived through. I thought about writing this book, which may or may not get published, several years ago but I have started seriously working on it only a few months ago. I want to do this because I feel I did not have a chance to share my life with my wife, my children and my grandchildren. After my father died about 20 years ago, I regret I didn't have a chance to talk to him about his life and know him better; so I don't want my children to feel the same way. This book will be primarily for my family; but if there is a wider interest I would be happy to share my story and my thoughts with a wider public.
2. Write a Letter to my grandchildren to share with them the things I learned from my lifelong experience, which they probably will learn eventually but would have benefit from them a lot more if they could learn them earlier in their life. I am not talking about any big discovery; but something probably many people at my age have already learned but never bother to share with their youngsters.
3. Straighten out the mess in my household and organize my vital information; getting rid of a lot of stuff that would never serve any useful purposes nor be of any concern to anyone after I check out. This will spare my family with a lot of headache. I am not a pack-rat, but I am a collector who believes that something that seems superfluous today may turn out to be of historical significance some day. As I age, I realize that that possibility is getting close to nil. Organizing my vital information, statistical, financial, social, etc. would also help my family to cleanup after me.
4. Finally, I want to have a big party to which I will invite all my family and friends and others who know me to have a good time and to say goodbye. I have attended many wakes and funerals and memorials where people talked about all the virtues of the deceased and all the good things they have done, things that these people never would have told them while they were still living. So what good is it but for these eulogizers to show how kind they are to their deceased friends or relatives? If they like me or respect me, I would rather they tell me to my face, or at least send me a email, while I still can hear them. During the party I would also like to distribute a lot of my treasures: photographs, souvenirs from trips, books and knickknacks, that I have collected to my guests. I hope they will treat these small gifts as their memory of me; otherwise I am afraid these stuffs will wind up at a garage sale or in the flea market. I would rather they be kept by people who knew me than by complete strangers. Of course the problem is I don't know when I will die; if I do I may not even have enough time or energy to organize such a party.
You probably have noticed that I didn't mention travel to the four corners of the world or reading all the literary classics or listening to all the musical masterpieces. I love to travel, I read books and I listening to music; but for one thing, I will never be able to cover the whole world or read all the good books and listen to all the good music, nor do I need to. I only do enough of that to enjoy them; there is no need to cover everything.
But why do this? and for whom? I believe that after I die, I couldn't care less what will happen to me, to my family, to my friends, or to the world. I wouldn't know about it nor could I do anything about it after all. So the only practical reason is for me personally while I am still living, or more specifically for my peace of mind. Of course I would want to do things that glorify my name, benefit my family, help my fellow men, etc. But really those are things collateral benefits; they contribute to my happiness and peace of mind while I am still living. The ultimate beneficiary is me.
I recommend this exercise to anyone regardless of age: to put down the four things (or three or two, it doesn't matter) you want to have done, in order or priority, if you have a very limited time to live. Actually, even if you don't have that kind of time pressure, you still could set this up because, let's face it, none of us really know for sure when death will happen to us. So just set up an arbitrary period of time and a number of things that are important to you.
Just to give you an example. I have come up with four things I want to get done assuming I only have four years to live. I am now 74, and I hope to live until 89 or beyond. But assuming I will die at 79, these are things I want to get done:
1. Finish the book I am writing about my life and the places and times and events that I have lived through. I thought about writing this book, which may or may not get published, several years ago but I have started seriously working on it only a few months ago. I want to do this because I feel I did not have a chance to share my life with my wife, my children and my grandchildren. After my father died about 20 years ago, I regret I didn't have a chance to talk to him about his life and know him better; so I don't want my children to feel the same way. This book will be primarily for my family; but if there is a wider interest I would be happy to share my story and my thoughts with a wider public.
2. Write a Letter to my grandchildren to share with them the things I learned from my lifelong experience, which they probably will learn eventually but would have benefit from them a lot more if they could learn them earlier in their life. I am not talking about any big discovery; but something probably many people at my age have already learned but never bother to share with their youngsters.
3. Straighten out the mess in my household and organize my vital information; getting rid of a lot of stuff that would never serve any useful purposes nor be of any concern to anyone after I check out. This will spare my family with a lot of headache. I am not a pack-rat, but I am a collector who believes that something that seems superfluous today may turn out to be of historical significance some day. As I age, I realize that that possibility is getting close to nil. Organizing my vital information, statistical, financial, social, etc. would also help my family to cleanup after me.
4. Finally, I want to have a big party to which I will invite all my family and friends and others who know me to have a good time and to say goodbye. I have attended many wakes and funerals and memorials where people talked about all the virtues of the deceased and all the good things they have done, things that these people never would have told them while they were still living. So what good is it but for these eulogizers to show how kind they are to their deceased friends or relatives? If they like me or respect me, I would rather they tell me to my face, or at least send me a email, while I still can hear them. During the party I would also like to distribute a lot of my treasures: photographs, souvenirs from trips, books and knickknacks, that I have collected to my guests. I hope they will treat these small gifts as their memory of me; otherwise I am afraid these stuffs will wind up at a garage sale or in the flea market. I would rather they be kept by people who knew me than by complete strangers. Of course the problem is I don't know when I will die; if I do I may not even have enough time or energy to organize such a party.
You probably have noticed that I didn't mention travel to the four corners of the world or reading all the literary classics or listening to all the musical masterpieces. I love to travel, I read books and I listening to music; but for one thing, I will never be able to cover the whole world or read all the good books and listen to all the good music, nor do I need to. I only do enough of that to enjoy them; there is no need to cover everything.
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